18. The Theory Arrived.

So I had found a general theory for what was happening to me.   It was a phenomena of the multiverse.

It was not just some portion of uncontrollable will as frustrating as nicotine addiction.  It was not because my soul had somehow been so wayward that angels of God were throwing down on me.  I was not the agent of disease.  I was the agent of creation under attack.   A rational explanation of why these souls of the first creation were hell bent on depressing the agent of creation was in my possession. 

Now if the assertion was right, if these people of first creation, had fallen from their former evolutionary stature to the point that they no longer believed themselves capable of producing the first blade of creation independently, the production of the physical body, all the pieces would fall into place over time.

I thanked God for the ability to think and reason despite the onslaught.  I knew in my heart that I had found some truth and the facts would tend to certify in a Grand Unified Theory of the multiverse.   I felt no small degree of sadness over the many who had probably not been born at the right time to receive such valuable ideas whilst they were afflicted.  I hoped perhaps the world of their own ideas was turning just as my own.  Often the TV/Internet news didn't seem to pan out my hopes.  Maybe I'd end up having something to do with the remedy after all, as that strange bible code experience seemed to foretell...

Yet I was exhausted, constantly tired and enfeebled by the 24 hour attack.  Going to sleep in pain, hearing voices mocking, never seemed like a rested, energised state of being.  I remember feeling constantly aware of the difference between auditory hallucinations and real sounds.  Yet at times often for some duration ranting and retorting the voices and insidious thoughts I was aware were meant to rattle me.   The sharper and more accurate I felt my retort to be, the more peace I got out of the day.   I had to get control of these rants or I knew I'd end up in some institution.  I began to practice forcing myself to emit no sound and merely mouth the words instead.  It was hard at first but eventually I wound up mostly ranting out loud when noone was around.  I counted that as a victory, and imagined I had the silent rants under control enough so that I could easily pretend to be running over a popular song in my head or counting work objects out loud.  I was going to win hey! even the bible told me so!